When enough is enough

There will come a time in most of our mortal lives that we will have to take a step back, listen to our bodies, and accept God's plan...even when we don't want too.  Ashlee could have never thought that at 33 years old and with a young family she would have to.  After almost a year and a half of choosing to show everyone that everything was ok, she has clearly felt that whatever the Dr's can give her isn't what her body needs, and things aren't ok anymore.

Since October she has throw up 1-5 times each day.  We have been draining 1-2 liters of fluid out of her stomach daily.  Her quality of life has taken a major decline both mentally and physically.  The standard of care Chemotherapy's have run their course.  She has tried all the natural remedies and therapies we could get our hands on, and up until last week she was on a Phase 1 clinical trial.  That trial included taking 18 horse sized pills per day, and she just never had a good day on that medication.   

After careful  thought, Ash's body and mind are telling her it's time to hand it over.  The suffering and pain are too much...enough is enough.  She feels whatever time we have left won't be planning our lives around trips to the hospital, scans, tests, procedures, surgeries etc.  I want to make it very clear that Ash is not giving up, but that she choosing to live.  We don't know if we have weeks or months, but today Ash told me she just wants to try and be happy, and that is what we will focus on.

Clearly this is a difficult time for all or us.  She is not just my wife, and Finn, Sophie, and Van's mom.  But she is your friend, your sister, your daughter, or your cousin...and if you are reading this it means you care and we are all hurting together.

Ash and I have thought carefully about how we want to proceed with all of this and most importantly about our kids.  We have slowly been preparing them for the reality and gravity of the situation.  They are aware that people can die of cancer, that their Mom has cancer and has been sick.  We wanted to publicly give some guidance on what we feel is best for our kids.

1-We want everyone to treat them and love them the same way they always have...they are kids and despite everything still live in the innocence of being a kid.
2-If you feel the need to give them counsel or guidance please don't without running it by me first.  (family included)
3-Please don't ask them how their Mom is doing.  If they want to talk about it, they will bring it up organically..but they don't fully understand exactly what is happening...and we haven't told them she is going on hospice etc.
4-Please don't talk to your kids about it...at least not for awhile, we have already had kids approach our kids and tell them about how their Mom is sick and might die etc.  As adults, we can't really process this...and kids even less.
5-If you see something that is concerning with them or what they are talking about concerning the situation, please let me know, so I can address it.
6-They don't need every one's thoughts and opinions on what is going on...remember they are 7 and 3 years old...the hard stuff needs to come from their Dad and Mom and in a safe environment.
7-If they are crying give them a hug :)
8-Say a little prayer for them.

I know there will be people who will want to come by and say hi, you can text me and I'll let you know if it is ok.  For those who do come and see Ash, treat her the exact same way you always have, love her...and try your best to hold your shit together.  She loves everyone that has been on this journey in one way or another with her.  I have always said she has been and trend setter...she will go ahead of most of us, and she will be there at the gates of heaven with our heavenly father to welcome us home when our time comes.