What do you say? Almost everyone I/we have talked to have been at a loss for words, and has said "I wish I knew what to say." We have come to the conclusion that there really isn't anything to say. There are no words...there just aren't. Just being there or listening on the other end of the phone while we cry is enough...it's enough for now, because no one knows what to do with these new emotions. It's shocking, scary, and frightening. Everything we have read says the first few months are the hardest. I think they say that because as Humans we have a tendency to go the darkest places first. How much time? Pain? What's going to happen? If "it" really happens, how am I going to pick up the pieces? What do you tell your kids? Is this really happening? It just doesn't seem fair, we keep wanting to wake up and feel normal again...we are slowly accepting this is our new normal.
Life has an interesting way of giving your perspective. Never more have we felt the massive need for God in our lives. We both find ourselves praying to get get through the minute, hour, day. I think last night was the first time we both actually laughed...it was at something stupid on TV, but we looked at each other and said we really needed that, it felt good. I think both God (or whoever you believe in) and laughter are so important at a time like this.
Yesterday was another interesting day. We met with the Doctors at the Huntsman Cancer Institute for a 2nd opinion. As we drove up pass the University of Utah Ash said she just felt good being up there. She graduated from the U of U and has a special place in her heart for the campus and area. We didn't get any new news, which was nice. They basically had the same treatment plans as the other Doctors we met with. They said they would be able to get her into a clinic trial that has to do with Immunotherapy, and have high hopes for that, but she probably won't start that until later rounds of Chemo.
While we were there I asked what to expect for for the 1st round of Chemo? We have been planning a family trip to Disneyland for a few months. Ash was adamant that I take the kids without her, but I only agreed to go if I knew someone was with her at all times. The Dr. asked when our trip is, and I told him it is on Nov 8th. He said Ash should go before we start the Chemo, and explained that she most likely has had this Cancer for probably 1.5 -2 years and a few weeks won't impact her treatment.
So we canceled Ash's impending Chemo treatment until we return from our family trip, and then it's full steam ahead. We continue to look at alternative therapies, diet etc. We are focusing on trying to get her body and mind in the right place as she begins this challenge. Ash is committed to doing everything she can. She will not ever give up. We are committed to have the best life we can, whether we have 1 year together, or 100 years..Life is for living, so we will chose to live it!
Sending lots of love and prayers your way.
ReplyDeleteLove you guys and pray for you daily. God is good - trust in Him, in whatever comes. You guys are amazing.
ReplyDeleteLove the new family pics and hope your having (or had) fun in Disneyland! Think of you everyday and pray for you as well. Thank you for the updates since it really feels as if we can't do much else than wait and pray, wait and pray and at least knowing how its going helps the hurt in our hearts for you! Love you all so much-Auntie Wendy xoxo
ReplyDeleteI don't know you but I feel for your family. I am a mother of 3 young children under 4. I just watched a documentary on the Gerson Therapy. My step mother had overian cancer that spread to her liver and kindneys. They gave her a few months at most. She decided that she would beat thr odds and seeked alternative medicine. She went to Mexico and did the Gerson Therapy and lived for another 4 years! Please check it out. Gerson.org
ReplyDeleteGood luck to your family and I will keep you in our families prayers.
I'm so sorry you guys have to go through all of this. I am so glad you get to go to Disneyland as a family before treatment starts though! No better place to just enjoy each other than the happiest place on earth. There's a young mom in Gilbert (we just moved from there) that was also recently diagnosed with colon cancer. She's a few weeks ahead of you but, when I was going through my little snippet of melanoma I loved corresponding with people that had been there. Anyway here is her blog if you're interested. http://brownribboncancer.blogspot.com/?m=1
ReplyDeleteLove you guys! Love of prayers and love!
ReplyDeletePrayers and love from the Walker family
ReplyDeleteAshlee, I am so sad to hear of this awful news, nobody should ever have to go through this. Every time I run into you I always see a beautiful, positive, happy, energetic, strong, devoted mother and know that will carry you and your family through. You will continue to be in my prayers and I will be praying for a miracle. Lots of love, Lindsay Ream
ReplyDeleteAshlee, I am so sorry. Being a fighter and full of life are attributes you were born with. I have so much hope for you. You and your family are constantly in my thoughts and prayers- Brooke Thomas
ReplyDeletepray that you will have a wonderful and safe trip to Disney --take lots of pics and just let go--have the most magical time of your life . Will keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless you ------just be sure to take it all to GOD as he is the ultimate healer!
ReplyDeleteTwo thoughts. Your attitude "Life is for living, so we will chose to live it!" will go a long way in helping your upcoming battle. Bravo to you both for that. Secondly, my sister had the exact same diagnosis and prognosis when she was 33. Mets to the lung. 4 surgeries and chemo. Lots of colon and left lung partially removed. Not expected to live. Today she is 65 and full of sass. No recurrence of cancer in 32 years. There is always hope, brother and sister. Always. God bless you both, and those beautiful kids. Never give up. :)
ReplyDeleteAudy, your testimony was wonderful today! Thank you for sharing with us! You are all in our prayers and thoughts. We love you all!
ReplyDeleteHi, My names Trisha. My husband was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colonrectal cancer on 10-26-2011....so I understand the battle ahead of you. He has chosen to treat it naturally, no chemo, no radiation, no surgery, and by using a particular supplement that is native to the body (it repairs, replaces and detects what is wrong in the cells and corrects it) so far his cancer has not spread. I am here if you ever want to talk. It still costs $$ ...a lot of $$ to treat it naturally, and I have thought about sharing our story on here as well. We are people of FAITH, and the prayers of many have sustained us. We are loosing our house, struggling financially etc. But when the day ends and we have each other, our children and our recent grandchildren...we feel blessed! Iwill be praying for you all. You may want to also consider changing your personal care products, as 90% of cancers are caused by what we eat, what we use on our bodies, and environment....only 10% are inherited. Check out my website too. Trisha A. DeVelis
ReplyDeleteHave you tried to contact Mayo Clinic in Boston Mass? My parents know a few people with advanced cancers who have received treatment there and have extended their expectancy by years. They are the top research facility. It is worth giving them a call as I've heard many many good things from them.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your family trip! We think about you everyday and send lots of love and prayers. xoxo
ReplyDeleteAs a sign of gratitude for how my wife was saved from fibroid, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
ReplyDeleteMy wife suffered from fibroid for more than 20 year of marriage after our first son and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because she was my all and the symptoms were terrible, she had irregular and painful menstrual flow and the size of it was 5cm, and she always complain of stomach pain. we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure her. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and she left the contact of the doctor who had the natural cure to fibroid. I never imagined fibroid has a natural cure if not surgery not until i contacted him and he assured me my wife will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my wife used it as instructed by Dr Godstime, and in one months time we went to the hospital for scan and the doctor confirmed that there is no trace of fibroid and now she is fully okay, even up till this moment she is so full of life. fibroid has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on: Drgodstimehealinghome@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2349063469910 on how to get his medication.