Not what we wanted...

I know a lot of people are wondering how things went today.  Unfortunately we didn't get the results we were looking for.
Ash's cancer has spread to her lungs and is showing up again a little in her abdomen area.  That explains why she has been battling this cough for the last 6 weeks.  I was worried about the cough and now we know why.

Ash will be starting a new regime of chemotherapy...They told her that she will probably lose her hair this time, and she will be getting treatment every week...

We are kinda in shock again...even though the Dr's we always clear that it is just a matter of time before the Cancer gets active again and she has to get on treatment..we were still hopeful for a good result.

What is hard is last week Ash road a fun 50 mile bike ride with a bunch of her friends and felt time.  She remains positive, and is trying to be strong... but all of this is scary and dealing with Chemo is always scary because even the Doctors don't really know how each person will respond.

We get more results tomorrow

I guess we should maybe change the blog to 33 and Cancer.  Since I last updated this blog we have been fortunate enough to do a lot of fun things.  Ash turned 33 in May and we are hoping her 33rd year will be a good one.  We also celebrated our 10th Anniversary, and were able to take a trip to the Dominican Republic with some friends.  We made a quick trip up to Jackson Hole/ Yellowstone, and have been trying to take advantage of Ashlee being off of treatment.

It seems like I usually end up writing these posts in the waiting room at the hospital...It usually is the only time I don't get distracted with something else.  The emotions are usually brimming when we are here...it is hard to be here, we both still feel like this is just a dream that we are waiting to wake up from.  I remember a Dr. telling us that after a while you will find your feet, and be able to push forward.  I guess the shock has worn off a bit, but I kind of think that has something to do with Ash being off of treatment for the last 3 months.  Life has felt somewhat normal...as normal as life can be...but there are times Ash says she wishes she could just wake up in the morning and feel ok, and have the energy she use to to have.  Like all young moms it is always an uphill battle to have the energy to keep up with kids, house stuff, and personal stuff...but sometimes I think the mental weight can be just as tiring.

There are a lot of nerves around the Pet scans.  While not on treatment we always worry that the cancer is growing or changing, but the idea of being on treatment is tough because we now know the pain and damage it causes to Ash...As Ash gets closer to the scan days she gets a little bummed and nervous.   Internally I am a wreck, but I think we both just try to hold it together for each other and our kids.  We have been lucky enough to have friends and family distract us the best they can with fun activities, outings and trips to help us focus on fun and happy things.  Looking at Ash you would not know anything is wrong, a have had a lot of people tell me that they have to remind themselves that she is dealing with cancer.

The last procedure she had as a Bronchosopy.  They basically filled her lungs full of Saline and then sucked it out.  They tested the saline for infection and fungus.  Both tests came back negative.  The reason for the tests was due to a few Nodules growing in her lungs...we are hoping they are not cancerous.  The problem with the procedure is that it left her with a terrible cough.  Ash gets coughing fits that sometimes she can't stop for awhile.  They are usually bad in the morning and nights.  She didn't have them prior to the procedure (which was about 6 weeks ago)

Tomorrow we meet with her Oncologist and will get her most recent results, and then know what they near future will look like.  Keep Ash in your prayers and I'll post tomorrow or the next day with the results
Thank you to everyone for thinking of her!