What do you say? Almost everyone I/we have talked to have been at a loss for words, and has said "I wish I knew what to say." We have come to the conclusion that there really isn't anything to say. There are no words...there just aren't. Just being there or listening on the other end of the phone while we cry is enough...it's enough for now, because no one knows what to do with these new emotions. It's shocking, scary, and frightening.
Everything we have read says the first few months are the hardest. I think they say that because as Humans we have a tendency to go the darkest places first. How much time? Pain? What's going to happen? If "it" really happens, how am I going to pick up the pieces? What do you tell your kids? Is this really happening? It just doesn't seem fair, we keep wanting to wake up and feel normal again...we are slowly accepting this is our new normal.
Life has an interesting way of giving your perspective. Never more have we felt the massive need for God in our lives. We both find ourselves praying to get get through the minute, hour, day. I think last night was the first time we both actually laughed...it was at something stupid on TV, but we looked at each other and said we really needed that, it felt good. I think both God (or whoever you believe in) and laughter are so important at a time like this.
Yesterday was another interesting day. We met with the Doctors at the Huntsman Cancer Institute for a 2nd opinion. As we drove up pass the University of Utah Ash said she just felt good being up there. She graduated from the U of U and has a special place in her heart for the campus and area. We didn't get any new news, which was nice. They basically had the same treatment plans as the other Doctors we met with. They said they would be able to get her into a clinic trial that has to do with Immunotherapy, and have high hopes for that, but she probably won't start that until later rounds of Chemo.
While we were there I asked what to expect for for the 1st round of Chemo? We have been planning a family trip to Disneyland for a few months. Ash was adamant that I take the kids without her, but I only agreed to go if I knew someone was with her at all times. The Dr. asked when our trip is, and I told him it is on Nov 8th. He said Ash should go before we start the Chemo, and explained that she most likely has had this Cancer for probably 1.5 -2 years and a few weeks won't impact her treatment.
So we canceled Ash's impending Chemo treatment until we return from our family trip, and then it's full steam ahead. We continue to look at alternative therapies, diet etc. We are focusing on trying to get her body and mind in the right place as she begins this challenge. Ash is committed to doing everything she can. She will not ever give up. We are committed to have the best life we can, whether we have 1 year together, or 100 years..Life is for living, so we will chose to live it!
Everything we have read says the first few months are the hardest. I think they say that because as Humans we have a tendency to go the darkest places first. How much time? Pain? What's going to happen? If "it" really happens, how am I going to pick up the pieces? What do you tell your kids? Is this really happening? It just doesn't seem fair, we keep wanting to wake up and feel normal again...we are slowly accepting this is our new normal.
Life has an interesting way of giving your perspective. Never more have we felt the massive need for God in our lives. We both find ourselves praying to get get through the minute, hour, day. I think last night was the first time we both actually laughed...it was at something stupid on TV, but we looked at each other and said we really needed that, it felt good. I think both God (or whoever you believe in) and laughter are so important at a time like this.
Yesterday was another interesting day. We met with the Doctors at the Huntsman Cancer Institute for a 2nd opinion. As we drove up pass the University of Utah Ash said she just felt good being up there. She graduated from the U of U and has a special place in her heart for the campus and area. We didn't get any new news, which was nice. They basically had the same treatment plans as the other Doctors we met with. They said they would be able to get her into a clinic trial that has to do with Immunotherapy, and have high hopes for that, but she probably won't start that until later rounds of Chemo.
While we were there I asked what to expect for for the 1st round of Chemo? We have been planning a family trip to Disneyland for a few months. Ash was adamant that I take the kids without her, but I only agreed to go if I knew someone was with her at all times. The Dr. asked when our trip is, and I told him it is on Nov 8th. He said Ash should go before we start the Chemo, and explained that she most likely has had this Cancer for probably 1.5 -2 years and a few weeks won't impact her treatment.
So we canceled Ash's impending Chemo treatment until we return from our family trip, and then it's full steam ahead. We continue to look at alternative therapies, diet etc. We are focusing on trying to get her body and mind in the right place as she begins this challenge. Ash is committed to doing everything she can. She will not ever give up. We are committed to have the best life we can, whether we have 1 year together, or 100 years..Life is for living, so we will chose to live it!